Getting over breakup?

GETTING OVER BREAKUP

When a relationship comes to an end, either from your side or from your partner, it lets you stay with a jumble of emotions for many days.

It is definitely hard to move on after a breakup. A breakup is never a seconds decision. It will surely have a long tail of fights, misunderstandings, rejections and hurts.

When reconciliation is not possible, you have to break it up and there is no other go.

It makes difficult to be normal in everyday life after losing a beloved person.

But it is a must to move with the time and feelings once broken cannot be re-joined. Even if it is done, it will definitely have visible knots in them.

So coping with the breakup is what you need to learn.

1. Talk about it with people you trust — or strangers you’ll never see again

My relationship of almost four years ended very recently. What has helped me get through it is talking to everyone about it. My parents, friends, co-workers, bartenders, anyone willing to listen really. When the people who love you know you’re hurting, they really do rally around you. Reaching out to people resulted in more frequent invites to yoga classes, home-cooked meals, movie nights, and day trips. Spending significant time with more people who I’d neglected over the years reminds me that I’m independent and I have everyone I need. Now it’s just a matter of figuring out my new routine as a single person.

2. Make plans

I had a shitty, 3.5-year relationship with an emotionally abusive heroin addict (I was young and stupid). When it ended, I was devastated at first (again, stupid) but after spending that summer focusing on me — traveling, spending tons of time with friends and family — I ended up being really grateful for the breakup. Everything is a learning experience, and you grow from everything. Spending time traveling and surrounding myself with friends and family and exciting experiences helped. Keeping busy helps. And living YOUR life, entirely for you, helps.

3. Get a hobby

My relationship ended due to it being long-distance. Things that have helped me are getting a dog, going out and trying new things (a new dance class), meeting more people, and taking on new creative projects to throw my energy into. (Of course, I did this after the sadness/crying phase ended, which took a few months.

4 . Work through it with a therapist

I was married for nine years. It ended in separation and finally divorce. Ultimately I did three months of relationship therapy and learned more than I could imagine about myself and relationships. Today I am married almost ten years to an amazing woman and we have yet to ever raise our voices at each other. In my case, I took the mentality that I needed to learn from the experience to better myself. The payoff is finding and being with a true soulmate. I see so many people who cannot point a finger at themselves and work to improve, and I just shake my head.

5. Stop texting your ex

My ex knew he messed up by not treating me as well as he should have. After the breakup he’d text me sporadically, in a friendly manner, and one day — some six months after we broke up — I told him he needed to stop texting me. I told him explicitly that he had hurt me, and his texts just reminded me of that pain and shame and all of that. He apologized for everything and agreed to stay out of my life. Just laying it all out there, really, was the key point. I’m not normally one to be so direct, but I felt like I couldn’t move on unless I did (especially if he’d keep texting). And that was that.

7. Write about it in a journal

I’ve always kept a journal. After breaking up with my first serious boyfriend of one year, I flipped back to an entry I wrote three months into the relationship and saw that I had written something like, Am I even attracted to him? Three months in! Such a red flag. Right then I decided to reread my journal entries more often. Journaling continues to help when I date other people now, and with a lot of other things in my life. I like to turn back to what I’ve written and try to notice patterns. For example: With the person I’m currently dating, one time I saw that I had written the same kinds of sentences I previously wrote about my ex, complaining about the way we were texting. It helped me realize that often if I’m journaling about a “problem,” I’m usually just afraid to communicate what I need from someone. Journaling helps me know when to speak up.

8. The pain is normal :

No one can be an owner of your life. You need to be strong to take everything. The pain of breakup has not happened only to you. There are many who have come across the same situation and are still alive and lead a happy life